Scarytale De Legume – Jonas Mueller

Once up on a time there was a prince, a very handsome and intelligent boy who experienced many marvelous adventures, in one of them he even traveled underwater to kill the infamous underwater dragon, only using a hair of a rat and a wooden teaspoon, or this other time when he spent one year on the toilet to abolish a curse imposed on his elder sister, only to recognize that she had been a imaginary sister all the time, and then finally he turned out to be an enchanted toad, at least exempt from being a human being by the kiss of a golden toothpick… but…I must confest.. that I am much to lazy to write down his very exciting  and interesting story, so how about this less exciting and interesting but much shorter one:


                                  Scarytale De Legume


One morning after a very rainy full moon night over the shamba daughter potatoe said to father potatoe: father, I had a very scary nightmare in which one day huge deamons, with 4 slimy, thin and long, fast moving leaves came to our home, used their spooky long leaves to pick us up from the ground, than threw us into boiling water and finally put us in a dark cave with lots of tiny white stones in there, that moved up and down and up and down, and crushed each and every one of us in between them as they did so. Oh father I am so afraid.

Don’t you worry my daughter, said father potatoe, it was nothing but a silly nightmare, nothing like that could ever happen to you. You know, he went on , trying to calm his daughter down a little,that us potatoes, we lived on this field since ever, my father did so and also his father, and all of our ancestors before too. It has always been like this, and will always be like this. We grow and grow, drinking from the water from the clouds, gaining strength from the warmth of the sun, until one day we have grown so big, we need a bigger shamba. That’s why the sun uses her shafts of light then, to beam us up the endless large shamba of blue sand that you can see above us when the clouds are gone. There it is never dry and always sunny, and we grow on to eternity, with all of our ancestors.

As he spoke so, his daughter feeling way better already, he got picked and boiled and salted and ended as food on the table.

(To be honest this was not the end at all but I refuse to describe all that chewing, digesting and excreteing that followed)



The potatoes perception of time is very different from the human. The human year is like 2 weeks for them, so from their point of view they have quite a short life. The moment of being harvested can not be recognized by them, such as a human can not watch the wings of a mosquito going up and down



believe in myths, the truth is disgusting




                                                                                                            By Jonas Quatschkopf Mueller

                                                                                                aka       unknown artist

                                                                                                aka       Ken Follet

                                                                                                aka       dopey d(ouble) eye



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